i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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