my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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