Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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