i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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