I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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