I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize