it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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