Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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