Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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