i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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