Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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