I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize