And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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