yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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