Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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