The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize