I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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