I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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