If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize