are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize