the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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