You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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