And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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