We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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