when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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