I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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