we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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