Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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