Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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