i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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