508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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