I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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