Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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