you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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