I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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