I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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