so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
