Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize