sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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