her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize