if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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