Jerry, you need to find god
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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