I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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