no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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