Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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