Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize