Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
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he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize