Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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