Got a toothbrush?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize