Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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