I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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